a bucket full of tears

been a depressing week 
results are out 
extending another semester 
yeah shit happens 
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and if it is not bad enough 
while my mum n my dad were in kl 
we got an mms by my mum's sis saying that my uncle was critically ill 
we decided to visit my uncle in ipoh 


knowing my uncle 
he's a fighter 
everytime he is admitted 
be it for major operation
i know that he will survive


all this while 
aku tau dia kuat 
everytime he is admitted 
i'm not worried 
i know he can make it  


we arrived at general hosp Ipoh at 3 am 
we tried to visit 
but unfortunately 
he was in the high dependency unit 
therefore it was locked 


sewaktu itu 
aunt aku dan anak-anak nya dah berkampung dekat hosp 
beralaskan tikar aunt aku anak beranak tidur di luar unit tersebut 
since we can't do anythin we went back to my aunt's place 
decided to go back early in the morning tommorow 


after breakfast we went to the hosp 
there in the high dependency unit 
my uncle rested on the hosp bed 

there 
i can't hold my tears 


my uncle was on machine support 
with all the wires strap on to him 
i started to cry 


according to the nurse 
(nurse tu betul2 muka seposen je)
"he is critically ill" 
his pancreas and his kidneys are failing him 
his heart weak 
i started to wept 


the nurse said that he may be unconscious but maybe he can still listen 
deep inside i know he's not gonna last long 


seeing his condition 
we tried to change our flight tickets back home 
unfortunately , no ticket was available 
be it air asia / malaysia airlines 


bila nak keluar dari high dependancy unit tu 
mak aku pesan 
"dah jgn nangis . lap air mata tu . jgan nangis depan aunt"
i have to be strong in front of my aunt 
she has been through a lot 


setengah jam lepas keluar dr wad tu 
my parents were called 
definitely not a good sign 
a few minutes after that 
a few doctors were rushing up the stairs into the high dependency unit 


i couldn't hold my tears anymore 
after a few minutes 
it was official 
my uncle had left us 


i'm sorry 
i didn't call u when i was in shah alam 
i'm sorry i didn't make a point to call u once in a while 
to make sure u were feeling well 
i'm sorry 


u always make me feel like i'm at home 
whenever i was around in ipoh 
i never felt like out of place 
because i know i still have u and your family in ipoh 
i'm sorry i've troubled u around 


u've been a great uncle to me 
tak sempat nak balas budi uncle 
after all u've been through 
i know u're a fighter 
u fought a great battle 
may u rest in peace


-al-fatihah uncle ellias-