a bucket full of tears

been a depressing week 
results are out 
extending another semester 
yeah shit happens 
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and if it is not bad enough 
while my mum n my dad were in kl 
we got an mms by my mum's sis saying that my uncle was critically ill 
we decided to visit my uncle in ipoh 


knowing my uncle 
he's a fighter 
everytime he is admitted 
be it for major operation
i know that he will survive


all this while 
aku tau dia kuat 
everytime he is admitted 
i'm not worried 
i know he can make it  


we arrived at general hosp Ipoh at 3 am 
we tried to visit 
but unfortunately 
he was in the high dependency unit 
therefore it was locked 


sewaktu itu 
aunt aku dan anak-anak nya dah berkampung dekat hosp 
beralaskan tikar aunt aku anak beranak tidur di luar unit tersebut 
since we can't do anythin we went back to my aunt's place 
decided to go back early in the morning tommorow 


after breakfast we went to the hosp 
there in the high dependency unit 
my uncle rested on the hosp bed 

there 
i can't hold my tears 


my uncle was on machine support 
with all the wires strap on to him 
i started to cry 


according to the nurse 
(nurse tu betul2 muka seposen je)
"he is critically ill" 
his pancreas and his kidneys are failing him 
his heart weak 
i started to wept 


the nurse said that he may be unconscious but maybe he can still listen 
deep inside i know he's not gonna last long 


seeing his condition 
we tried to change our flight tickets back home 
unfortunately , no ticket was available 
be it air asia / malaysia airlines 


bila nak keluar dari high dependancy unit tu 
mak aku pesan 
"dah jgn nangis . lap air mata tu . jgan nangis depan aunt"
i have to be strong in front of my aunt 
she has been through a lot 


setengah jam lepas keluar dr wad tu 
my parents were called 
definitely not a good sign 
a few minutes after that 
a few doctors were rushing up the stairs into the high dependency unit 


i couldn't hold my tears anymore 
after a few minutes 
it was official 
my uncle had left us 


i'm sorry 
i didn't call u when i was in shah alam 
i'm sorry i didn't make a point to call u once in a while 
to make sure u were feeling well 
i'm sorry 


u always make me feel like i'm at home 
whenever i was around in ipoh 
i never felt like out of place 
because i know i still have u and your family in ipoh 
i'm sorry i've troubled u around 


u've been a great uncle to me 
tak sempat nak balas budi uncle 
after all u've been through 
i know u're a fighter 
u fought a great battle 
may u rest in peace


-al-fatihah uncle ellias- 

the last critique

ketika berada di dalam kereta
tiba-tiba fon 'myiman' aku bunyi 
tanda msg baru masuk 
aku pun check msg tersebut 


tergamam dengan content message itu 
aku terus call si penghantar message tersebut 
erm ni btul ke ? serious ? 
aku terdiam 


shit memory aku terus rewind kepada ketika itu 
ketika dr emo x nak critique work aku dan mengatakan aku dah lambat
oh sumpah rasa mcam jantung terhenti seketika
aku pun terus banjir 
hujan there and there


eff sememangnya aku memang jabatan air/waterworks
sedang aku duduk , nasib baik engkau lalu 
bertanya dan sudi tgk dan critique kerja aku 
walaupun aku tengah 'hujan' 
kau tetap layan je 
walaupun design aku ntah apa 
kau tetap layan je 


aku bersyukur kau tetap bersabar 
bagi idea idea kau untuk menolong design aku yang tak seberapa itu 
jadi in return setelah kau critique aku 
kau pula bercerita tentang anak-anak kau 
betapa ko bangga dengan anak-anak kau 


ketika working drwg pun kau byak bersabar 
asyik extend masa aku nak submit


wlaupun masa aku belajar dengan kau 
tak lama 
aku ingat kau 
sebab kau baik sanggup layan student kau yang tak seberapa ni 
and i'm sure u've touched many hearts as well 
and i'm sure your students loved u very much 




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aku memang kurang gemar ckap tentang mati 
it creeps the hell out of me 
nyawa boleh ditarik bila bila je kan
ye la aku akur amalan diri sendiri pun tak banyak mana
sendiri takut 
padan muka




aku minta maaf 
aku tak sempat 
if i'm around , i'm sure i'll be there


sekejap sahaja kan pertemuan kita
orang kata orang baik baik ni akan pergi dulu 
sebab tuhan sayang 
semoga roh anda diletakkan di antara orang orang beriman 


terima kasih en yaacob omar
terima kasih kerana sudi critique aku hari tu
_al-fatihah_

the final curtain

hmm 2010

tahun penghabisan

sayu gler.

tambahla sayu bila ...

it suddenly hits me ...

during akiday motion 2010  ...

this is it ...

this is gonna be the last semester ...

memories

with the part 8 nyer studio ...

seriously it is only a sem ...

and hell i'm not gonna miss u guys ...

ok actually it is booolesheeeeeet ...

hell yeah i'm gonna miss u guys ...

memories ...

jari-jemari , dikir barat , ...

and all sorts of nonsense that we did this past few years ...

bab2 menjatuhkan air muka ... ntah cam mana diri aku confirm akan terlibat ...

hell u guys rock ...

eventhough i complained a lot ...

eventhough aku bukanla reti sangat nak menari gaga / menjadi dayang2 PGL

dan kalo lihat dr wajah aku memang jelas terpancar muka bosan aku ...

i enjoyed performing with u guys ...
motion 2010
was the final curtain
no more shitty performances to haunt us till our death
hell we rocked the stage that nite
eventhough i was blinded by the gaga sunglasses

weyh korang memang ter-BAEK ar ...

susah senang bila akiday memang kita selalu tangani bersama2 ...(chewah ayat)

tak kira la akiday ke tak... tapi aku tau kalo aku perlukan korang

korang sentiasa ada

(ok aku dah puji gila babi ni.. bila nak belanja mkan??)

cik senyuman lebar, cik tahi lalat, cik tadah hujan
and the rest of the 08 batch

u guys stayed with me even though my hair looks funny or even though i'm no longer a part of your studio(well most of u did)

i had fun with u guys

we are still the batch that rocked perak . the july 2006 batch .

i won't mention names.. u know who u are ...

thanx for everything

.

the aftermath

minta maaf kerana aku sudah lama tidak update...

kebelakangan ini aku byk merungut dan tidak bersyukur ngan result aku..
aku sudah berjaya mengisi baldi2 kosong di rumahku dengan tangisan aku yang tak henti2...
tapi setelah beberapa hari aku kembali ok kepada diriku yang asal...
(thanx to kawan2 aku yang sering mengisi masa aku mengajak aku keluar... kepada anda semua.. u know who u are.. thanx guys)

aku finally menerima kenyataan..
kegagalanku mungkin ada hikmah di sebaliknya..
aku akur dan pasrah .. dan aku akan berusaha lagi sem hadapan..
(thanx also kepada kawan2 aku yang call .. dan memberi kata2 semangat walaupun korang tak tau nak kata apa.. thanx)

kata tukang cerita : nasib baik parents aku ok.. aku takut gak aku kena 'disowned' *syukur*

my first day at work

i've never worked before in my life...
like seriously ...
selama 20 thn hidup aku kat dunia ni .. aku tak pernah kerja.. till last monday.. dimana segalanya berubah.. rakan2 ku agak terkejut ngan berita aku nak keje...
wait let me rephrase ' rakan2 ku agak terkejut ngan berita aku disuruh keje '
my dad's fren sort of call him and said somethin like " ask your daughter to report to me ,1 dec, 8 am "
note to everyone: kalo korang ada anak... jgn bgtau semua org anak anda tgh belajar course apa...ini mungkin memudaratkan diri anak anda.. sirius

so last monday .. i went to work at an architect firm ...
dad sent me to work since i can't drive...
ya that is another issue ... i can't drive eventhough i have a driving license (lesen kompetan tau)
but nvm back to my story ...
so since it was my first day at work ... my boss tanya la wat can i do...

architect a.k.a boss: so wat can u do ?
me a.k.a the one who was forced to work: a little bit of cad , little bit of sketch up (to those of u yg blur, cad and sketch up are architecture softwares)
architect :vectorworks?
me : muka confuse .. (dalam hati tertanya2 mende la vectorworks)
architect : nvm .. vectorworks is easier than cad.. u can learn how to use vectorworks...
*pergh selama aku hidup aku tak pernah dgr vertorworks... 3dmax ke .. archicad ke .. pernah la..mungkin gak aku ni mundur kot..


8.00 am = waited for my boss to arrive...
9.15 am = boss finnally arrived.. went for breakfast with my boss, boss nyer worker, my dad and me
10.00 am = started work .. first task .. figure out how vectorworks , works (haha..ironic)
12.00 pm = lunch break... went for lunch with kakak2 in the office
rupanya ada banyak gak ar graduate uitm gak...senior2 aku rupanya
2.00 pm = continue figuring out vectorworks..
3.00 pm = some guy came and wanted to use the pc i was using...( i was using his pc and his desk apparently....)
3.15 pm = second task .. seperate old catalogues and the newer catalogues (the whole room was filled with catalogues.. shit...)
5.00 pm = one of the architects called me and said ' ey girl time to go home la'

my first day at work was pretty much BORING ... argh ... i hate vectorworks...i hate catalogues..
so practically i hate work...

kata tukang cerita : next sem nak praktikal dah .. haih x tau ar camane nanti...